Life feels a little strange for me these days. Not entirely in bad ways, though some things have been disorientating, shall we say.
At the beginning of this year I was in the midst of a particularly hard period of depression. I eventually climbed out of that, without the aid of medication (nothing works) or therapy (I need it, but I need decent therapy, not the scraps the NHS are able to offer).
Then at the end of March I was formally diagnosed with ADHD, at the age of 52. For 3 or 4 years now, I've known in my bones that I had ADHD, yet this diagnosis still somehow took the wind out of my sails a little. It's taken me a few months to stop feeling lots of feelings about it, but I'm good with it now. Well, aside from some of the grief that comes with having led a life that's been seriously impacted by a condition you didn't know you had. I'm gradually coming to terms with that, but some of it is hard. I will be trying medication, but yet again, there's a long waiting time for that (around 12 months).
In the meantime, I'm just living with a slightly wonky brain, which is something I always knew about myself anyway. Some help would be nice, though.
Middle age brings with it some unique challenges. For me, menopause is definitely one of them. The one that's been hardest to deal with however is aging parents. I consider myself very lucky. Though they divorced when I was young, I have two very supportive parents and I love them both dearly. Both have been struggling a little with the medical problems that age brings, with tests, hospital visits, a few stays in hospital etc. Currently my Mom is in the hospital dealing with some pretty serious stuff: a Crohn's diagnosis and a bowel resection. Which isn't easy at any age, but at 78 is even harder.
At the beginning of this month, I also learnt that a good friend and fellow member of The Skinner Brothers fan community was diagnosed with late stage and inoperable pancreatic cancer. It hits especially hard as she is still so young (under 40). In an effort to help raise much needed funds to help support her and her family, I wrote what was probably one of the most difficult blog posts I've ever had to write over on Bad Brains (the music blog I co-own with a wonderful friend).
So this year has been a lot so far.
This actually isn't the post I set out to make when I began writing this. I guess I needed to get a few things out of my system. I've held back on some things, and cut details down a bit because I don't want it to sound as though I'm just having a whinge! I don't like being all doom and gloom, but sometimes life is just like that and you have no choice but to roll with it.
That said, the tougher things in life make you appreciate the little things one hell of a lot more. A hug from a loved one, the taste of a great cup of tea, a snuggle with the cat. There are many moments of calm and fulfillment inbetween the hustle and bustle of everyday life and if you don't already, you should learn to savour them. I long ago came to the realisation that without darkness, there is no light.
A great source of light for me has been not only the music of The Skinner Brothers, but also the community that's sprung up around them. As I mention on my about page, I've been a voluntary moderator in their Facebook group for a few months shy of 2 years now. I've loved music with a passion from a very young age, but I've never been anywhere near as involved with the people behind it as I am now. But through this group I've made a lot of good friends and met many interesting people.
The band, the people behind it and the many wonderful people in the fan community have also inspired and encouraged me to begin writing and photographing again. It's honestly been a life changing experience.
I may write more about that some day, but the point of that was, early access tickets for their 2026 tour go on sale tomorrow, and I'm hoping to score a couple for Manchester, which happens to be on my birthday. If it doesn't happen, it's no big deal (I already have tickets to the Electric Ballroom show in November), but it would be a lovely way to spend my birthday!
I realise not everyone has the luxury of having things to look forward to - I've been there myself, many times. But boy does it help when you do. Especially if that thing is something you're really passionate about. Between that and (hopefully) the love and support of people around you, it really helps you to keep putting one foot in front of the other through the more turbulent times in life.